March 26, 2012. Some reflexions.

Hi!

I will finish the IELTS preparation course on Wednesday; this course has been lazy, but anyway I have learned a lot this time, I have taken it deep down, trying to catch whatever I can. Maybe it is the good part of be the worst person in the group.

I asked to my teacher about to be my personal teacher. He is thinking, and he said that he does not have enough time, and he will ask to a collage. Today, he told me that if his collage cannot, he will be my personal teacher.

At the first time, I thought: I will ask to God that the collage cannot; but the real situation is not that I want to have him as personal teacher, the real situation is that I need to have enough score in the IELTS as soon as be possible; I hope to have success on June 30. So, please God: send me a teacher who can help me to have enough score on 30 June!

Sometime, I think that I have higher expectations about myself than are possible. So, I am very demanding to myself. Anyway, I hope to have success working hard, to continue with my life. I hope it will be possible!

On the other hand, I am picking up my exercises routine. I need to improve my cardiovascular endurance; I am thinking about jogging twice or three times a week and trekking the Avila twice a week. Well, this week I am going to take vacations and go to the beach; but after that, I will start to draw a new exercise routine.

Finally, I want to share with you a comment of my sweet husband: you fell in love with all your teacher, it is not important if they are blond, black, beautiful, awful, man, woman, child, dog, wilted flower or whatever.

I think he is right! And it is so funny, I definitely enjoy all kind of academic experiences, and I feel love for whoever who helps me to learn something.

Well, I hope to have success in the IELTS soon.

See you.

February 20, 2012

Hi!!!!

Well, I have been lost some days, I needed to rest. I also studied some hours, but specially my listening skills, but in general I was relaxing, doing exercises, strolling, talking with friends, and giving a pause to me brain. I should admit that I have been dreaming in spanenglish, so a part of my mind continue studying still in rest, or maybe a part of my mind is always focus on go to NZ.

So these days have been a good moment for my mind, to rest and to prepare to continue studying.

I went to the park a couple of time, and to do exercises to the 'Cota mil' on Sunday. It is a highway in the city which is closed on Sunday morning to people goes to enjoy there. So it was too sunny and I burned my feet with the heat of the floor. It sound incredible but was true! I dressed my shoes and socks but the floor was enough heat to burn my poor feet. I could not walk for around 6 hours while my feet were better. I needed to use some creams and medicines to fix my poor feet. Well, today it sound funny, but was horrible.... Umm but funny too....

I have spent a lot of time with my friend as I told you some days ago.

I watched some documentaries very interesting these days, and I am happy about the way that is improving my listening skills. Yesterday I definitely didn't want to study, so I did what I always do when I don't want to study but I feel that I must be it: I watched a Harry Potter movie, it is always funny and it could be an English practice, but sometimes I am not sure if I am understanding or I just remember each single line of that movie.... Lol.

Well, today is Monday again, here is still a holiday because in Venezuela carnival is Monday and Tuesday, anyway I spent two hours studying English with my online course, it is a very good tool to pronunciation skill, it is good in general, but with pronunciation is great!

I just finished it, and it is time to rest. Maybe I will watch a movie or documentaries before to fall asleep.

Well, see you soon.

OH! One more thing! Today I received a email of New Zealand Migration Department telling me that if I have a question, please I could say it to them, because they want to help me and they could assignee me a free adviser to help me if I need it; because they don’t want to lose me for a simple question, they are waiting to me!

I definitely love that country, and I am absolutely happy feeling that they are valuing me! Or that they could value me in the future!

Another reflexion: I have fell in love a lot of times; when was younger I fell in love in wrong ways, I loved people or situations very hard or painful, but now I usually fell in love with a person, situation or thing that could value it and love me as I deserve; sometimes when those people write me, I think that I have fell in love in the right way and with a wonderful lover. 

Please not ask

Maybe if I could find the words to say what I am feeling, I will feel something different.

I am facing the biggest ghost of my heart... I thought it had gone long ago, but not, it is here; I could just keep it in save place for myself, and meanwhile I had time to become myself stronger. The question is: am I stronger now?

It could be easy to say a definitely YES, I AM! But really isn't easy, at less it isn't easy to me.

Centrally I am not dying or feeling that something inside me is broken; so since that side it doesn't look so bad. In the same way, my mind and heart have a plan to continue: first day it is necessary to cry, second day to start some important things, fourth and fifth have recreation activities, on Monday visiting a friend looking for support and distraction, seventh day to continue my normal life until Thursday when will be necessary to go to walk to the park and continue. After that week it is just necessary continue studying and remembering that nothing is more important than to have enough score in the IELTS; everything else in the life will be finding their place step by step.

On the other hand (my favorite English phrase) I am absolutely terrified! I feel as my heart was brooking at infinite parts, still when it isn't happen, then I am just feeling fear of all that moments when my heart has been broken in infinite parts.... I feel as I cannot walk, bread, think, study or live. Nevertheless I know it isn't true, it is just a sensation. The ghost is trying to scared me, it has could do that a lot of time and distorted all inside me in innumerable occasions; but now writing here I am discovering that it cannot do that now.

Yeah! I am stronger, and the biggest conclusion is: it was because the ghost that I had got a lot of troubles to write, because it knew that as soon as I could write something I will feel different and it won't anymore take the control of me.

Thanks and goodbye