Monday, 13 June 2011

Difficult time

Four days ago (June, 9) on my 29 birthday, finally, I taken my surgery! Now I’m in rest, I cannot foot support during long time, I should be in bed during not less than 10 day, but I’m better!

I’m improving each moment, and in enough time, I’ll be walking again, but now I’ll have a lot of new learning because this long time has been a learn time.

This have been a time of hard farewells in my life, the most difficult is with my patients; I was 11 years old when I knew I wanted to be psychologist and spend my life listen people and thinking in the better way to help them. I have been all my life preparing myself to do it, and some years ago I have been listening people hours after hours, after hours, each day in every week, with love, engagement, constancy, patience, and trying to think something useful for them… another important part of my time have been spend study, go supervition, and in mine analysis to help me and them in consequence.

I have been pretty worry this time to be respectful with each people, their time, their feelings and emotions, their needs… and left them just before close for my migration process is absolutely against all my thought. Accept this have been a very difficult resignation, big internal process, with pain, shame and learn.

In the other way, this is the last (I hope) June, 15 I’ll be in Venezuela, and I cannot go to see my little brother in his 13 birthday. Is so difficult to think about it! Thinking in two days he will wake up taller than me, but I can remember the first time I saw him, my beautiful baby. This time I cannot be with him, and I’m very sad about it more than him.

I have been more than 2 months without study English systematically, because is impossible to study with pain. In this moment in my life few things are most important to me than learning English, and long time without study is a big resignation too.

I cannot be with my friends in my birthday, go to walk on Sunday, visit my new niece, talk with important people, be a technical support in the conference this year, and meet with my grandma…

Furthermore, I cannot sleep, and I have been a very stupid person this time, I have fought with all important people in my life, have did and said stupid things and hurt my lover….

This time has been a broken time, with a lot of pain, but I have learned too much.

In short time, I’ll wake up, and can walk, do exercise, recover my life and to do necessary things to wake up in another moment of my life, in another place, with news smell, images, people, language, streets, trees, flowers, kind of think and live….

This time has been a pause in my life to prepare myself to say goodbye to important things and continue to new ones…

I cannot say thank God for this difficult time yet; but I’m sure, in short time, I’ll say it… I know the life process then I’m sure.

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