Friday, 29 July 2011

Starting the final part of my transition process

I’m observing my future with clean eyes, my eyes are clean, relaxed, safe and quieted, watching the way my new life will start.

I’m in transition moment of my life; I finished all important things here but I am in Venezuela still, preparing myself to discover a new world, and a new way to see the life.

I’m listening my husband music, smelling this place, looking around me… I’m in this place, waiting for the first day of the rest of my life

I’m waiting the day I can renounce to my wings and to walk quiet in the place will be my home.

This week I finished with my patients and all other work activities, now I’m 
here but as in stop moment, waiting the next moment to know my new life.

I want to see with some friends and family, in special with my lil bro, it is my work now, while are all ready to go to NZ.

Is difficult to say another thing, because this moment isn’t too intense, this moment is quiet wait by the next… is the final part of my transition process.

Monday, 25 July 2011

Saying goodbye to my beloved job.

Six years ago, I just finished the University, I wanted to start to work; but not in any work, I wanted to work listening people in a private consult, I wanted to be a University Professor and maybe have another work to have more money.

I did all this things; I have worked in all things I wanted, I have been listening people in my private consult during almost 6 years, I was University professor during around 4 years, I have had another work when I felt good and had enough money.

Some months ago, I closed with the university, step by step I have closed with my other work, and this week I’ll close with my patients… My patients are the reason of my career election; they are exactly the work I always wanted to have!

Today at afternoon I’ll say goodbye 2 patients, both have been around 4 years my patients, I have accompanied them in different moments in their life; today I’ll say goodbye to they, with love, satisfaction and nostalgic.

The Wednesday, I’ll close with all other, I’ll finish with my most beloved job, with satisfaction, nostalgic, sadness, happiness, quiet, some worries, and another kind of emotions. All this emotion are living inside me, they are not in war, only are living together in my heart.

Thank Life have gave me the opportunity to do exactly that I have wanted.

Sunday, 24 July 2011

I’m discovering also another kind of emotions inside me.

Today, I sent the first necessary documentation to start my visa process. The agent who is helping me in this process said I’ll be ready to go to NZ in October, I hope it will be in this way! I don’t have the money yet, but I think I’ll have it in 3 weeks, if I have it in 3 weeks all things will be in the necessary way to arrive in time I want.

I’m so happy! I feel myself ready to go out! But now, when I see near to me my migration process I have discovered new feelings inside me; I’m happy, hopeful, excited, ready, but in the other hand today I have discovered inside me another kind of feelings, like fear and sadness: I feel fear because although I know I’ll learn English very well, sometimes I feel fear by cannot learn it; or maybe to have problems to find new friends, or whatever… I feel sadness because I’ll miss some important people in my life, or maybe someone I’ll never meet again… that is sad..

I’m not talking about I want to live here or I’m not sure to go to NZ, I’m only talking about I’m know that all won’t be happy, and although I’ll be very well, I’ll miss my loved persons.
I want to know how smell the city I select to be my new home, all day I ask it to myself, with love and hopeful, I want to meet my kiwis friends, know new people, be faced to the language and learn it…. I’m happy about all things to my new life, but know, I’m starting to be (also) sad by important people I’ll let here.

I’m feeling fear about I’ll be in a new country without my husband, starting a new life missing him, he will be with me few months later, but other maybe I won’t to see again…

I feel fear about how will feel my beloved little brother when I’ll be so far, or if he could feel, I let him or maybe he could think I don’t love him. I know, he know I love him, and I’ll do necessary things to carry him with me…. But sometimes I feel fear about it.

I feel fear and sadness because I’ll be at least 7 months without to be with my doggy! I sleep with her every day, and I love her a lot…. Will be hard not be near to her…

Well, each day I’m nearer to my new life and I’m happy! But now I’m discovering also another kind of emotions; they are not in war, they are living together inside me.

Friday, 22 July 2011

This week... I'm nearer to my dream...

Today I received my passport! While I was waiting, a Mr. was talking with me and asked me: are you foreign? And my answer (automatically) was: not yet.

Now, I’ll tell you the story about these days in my life. A week ago, I went to the dentist, always is a terrible experience to me, with pain and fear; this was the first time with new dentist, and I was especially nervous. I arrived to 7:45 a.m. and was the second person. Around 9:30 a.m. already I was finished the first dentist meeting. I was feeling good, because is a friendly guy, but I had pain. I park my car in front of the dentist in a parking space; I cross the street to go my car and the rear glass was absolutely broken!

My husband and I went to around the city looking for a window, and we didn’t have good luck; in a store they thought they had the rear glass, and we paid it (so expensive) and then, they discovered was a mistake, and they didn’t have it…. They returned us the money and we went other places. We don’t have a back glass yet, and only in a place we found it but absurdly expensive (more than two times the price we received in the place where didn’t have in the end) and we cannot pay it now.

We have stopped the car, while we solvent this problem. But, in the other hand, the public transportation here is to violent, people hit each other, have a lot of crime, and driver never wait people be ready to start. And remember, I have one and half month to have taken a knee surgery, and I feel very well, but I feel fear to use the public transportation and to have an accident in my knee.

But anyway I need to do some things, and when is possible to me, I am going walking where I need to go. I have walked a lot this week. The first day, I discovered I didn’t remember when I was walking for this street the last time. The second day, I understood I feel myself like I was a tourist in this city, I feel like I am only watch the place, but it isn’t a known place in my life.  I have walked in the center of city, in place I met during my childhood with my parents, now are very beautiful, because was a special day for the country and government decided fix it. Is great to see this place beautiful and say goodbye with this good memory! Anyway, I cannot feel nostalgic or sadness, I only can see the place and say goodbye, like if this place didn't had a meaning to me.

This week, I have discovered I’m feeling like a tourist in my country, and I don’t know when I’ll start to feel in different way; I think, in short time I’ll be in the place that I selected as the place to my life, but in the beginning I’ll feel like a tourist, while I can adapt myself to this place.

Feel like a tourist is good now, because the terrible reality of the country isn’t too heavy to me, it is only the situation of a country I’m in this moment, but my life don’t have direct relationship with it.

I want to feel myself part of a place, but not this place, I want to feel I am part to NZ. I know it won’t be automatic, in the beginning I’ll feel like a tourist, but step by step I’ll be part of the place I chose as my home!

During this week, I have been thinking about the University where I studied: UCV! This place has an special space in my heart, and I never could feel like a tourist there, The UCV was the most important space in my life, where I received the professional formation, but where I learned to be the person who I am. The UCV always will have my grateful and love!

Well, each moment I’m nearer to my dream, and farther to the country where I born. Today I sent the first documentation to start my student visa process, the agent say, in 2 months all will be ready to go to NZ. Now I continue in NZ’s route, internal and external route.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Thanks The Vinotinto to join a Country!

In Football my heart is Albicelste and in short time will be ALL Whites! Anyway I grown loving Venezuelan Football team, they always lost during long years, then sometimes they finished tie some games, and step by step they was improving. Today is a historic day to Venezuelan football, they are in semi final American Coup!

Today The Vinotinto is a good team, with dignity, able to play with biggest teams and not lost!

My heart is happy, I’m not Viotinto, but I’m happy to watch their football development! Congrats to The Vinotinto!

This is a break country, but today all people forgot political, unsafe and provety problems…. Today all Country is happy about The Vinotinto!

Thanks The Vinotinto to join a Country!

Saturday, 9 July 2011

In 19 year my thoughtlessly love have dead.

19 year ago I went to Mérida’s Diex to request my first Identification Carnet; I was 10 years old, and I was proud to be enough old to have my documentation. I arrived early, with emotion and uncertainty because although I had all necessary documentation in this country people never know and you always depend of worker mood.

Anyway, I was happy. I did my first sign, my first official picture, and my first fingerprint. In that moment I already knew this country was very corrupted, unsafe, violent, etc. But I had learned love it anyway, loved it thoughtlessly.

I grew loving this country, but knowing is a bad place.

Yesterday, almost 19 years after, I was to request my married passport, in the same country, but more corrupted, unsafe (a lot of more), violent, etc… plus now without democracy and freedom.

Today, I’m adult and reflective person, and is hard keep my country’s love with though… is sad but is my heart reality.

19 year ago, I was request my first official documentation because I was proud to be Venezuelan, yesterday I was request my new passport to go out and start a new live in another country, and become to another nationality.

Is sad cannot feel a little nostalgic when I think about leave this place, but now I don’t find any reason to want be here.

19 years have been more than enough time to want to go as far as is possible. I have been stolen more than 20 times, my right are violent each moment, wherever you are is an unsafe place, etc….

In 19 year my thoughtlessly love have dead.

Go Albiceleste and Go All Whites!

I am from Venezuela, and my dad love the baseball, I grew watching this sport, going to the plays, etc, my Dad is Los Tigres de Araguas' fans, we both born in Aragua and he always wanted to share this sport with me; in the childhood was possible, I loved baseball, watching all baseball season, crying with games, etc. Then I grew, and I don’t like this sport and I love the football! The soccer football!

Around 8 years old, started to see each game that I could see. When I was 12, started to found Venezuela’s football team, and they always lost, but anyway was my favorite team; I was discovering another’s teams and player in the process.. Anyway Venezuelan’s team was the team in my heart and they was improving their football.

In the other hand, I continued growing, and this country was worse each day; I discovered my secret real love to Albiceleste team. I discovered my love to all Argentina, since their way to speak to their football.

Now, I don’t want to be in Venezuela, I wake up each morning thinking is a day less to live here and a day nearer to live in NZ. In my heart I want to be a Kiwi; I could not decided the country when I born, but I can decide the country when I’ll do my adult life, and country where my kids will birth. This decision have a lot of consequence, I need to learn a new language, a new culture, a new kind to live…. In this thing be the sport too, I’ll learn to love Rugby and the All Blackss in special, but in the football I’m learning to love the All Whites.

Now in my heart, my two favorites football teams are Albiceleste and All Whites! And now my question is: if I don´t want to live here, I don’t want this will be the country to my children, why should I support to Venezuela’s football team?

Now my heart, my life, myself is changing to be a new kiwi, this change is internal, and on my optical, the better way is saying good bye all Venezuela’s nationality things (teams for example) to be a really new Kiwi and to live there without permanently nostalgic.

I love football, and I’m watching each America Coupe game that I can see. I hope Argentina will be the champion, and my another  two favorite teams are Uruguay and Paraguay, but not Vinotinto.. Now my heart isn’t vinotinto… my heart isn’t Venezuelan…

Go Albiceleste! And when All Whites will be playing I’ll say Go All Whites!

Friday, 8 July 2011

I'm falling in love again

When I was 16 years old, born my Little brother, some hours late I had him first time, in this moment I discovered a new kind of feelings, as soon as I felt his warm in my hands I started to question me: how did I could live 16 years without him? Sometimes, to have the most wonderful brother in the life could be annoying, exhausting or irritating, anyway each day I love him as big as is possible and I miss him each day far of him; and each day in my heart this question is still live in my heart…

9 years after, I met my husband, and that question had a revival: how did I could live 25 years without him? Near to him I have grown, discovered and a new way to see the world, I have felt happy, loved, cared, angry, upset… etc… anyway, each day I wake up and in heart is difficult to me remember how was my life before met him… just I can remember I had a wonderful brother and I love him.

They have been my biggest love! They are always in my mind and my heart, and I can hardly imagine my life without them.

Now, I’m discovering a new big love, I’m falling in love again, but not toward a person, I’m falling in love of Auckland. I read news, watch pictures, research about life style, culture, etc… and day after day I feel I love that city. I don’t know Auckland yet; but I’m sure, where I’ll be there I’ll never and ever understand how I could live in another place.

Today I was to request my new passport with my civil state like married, because will be easier request my husband's visa in this way; when I’ll receive my passport I’ll start my migration process, and in couple of months I’ll be able to go to Auckland and meet with my new love…

Today I was looking for pictures to change my blog, and each photo is most beautiful than previous one; my heart is in love, and I want to cry because I have a feelings mixed… I feel Auckland more near to me each moment, but I want to be there right now. I know, in the future I’ll discover bad thing and sometimes all not be ok there, but I’ll love that place anyway and discover a new important things there…

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

I received my post graduate programs today!

The most difficult documentation have been found are my post graduate programs, because the coordination of post graduate is a very disorder place! All University documentation have been to slow because always it people is in stoppage, or have problems in the University, etc…

The postgraduate coordinator always said me, he can’t give me the programs because he don’t have or he is doing it or whatever, I have been very worry about it, because is impossible to have my registration in the board of psychologist NZ without them.

The night before, I can’t sleep well, because chavistas  have a biggest celebration, and the noise was insupportable, and I was angry about it. But when I woke up, I taken my celphone and found in my email: a mail of the postgraduate coordinator with all my programs!!!!! Now I need print and carry it to sign and ready this difficult work!

Well, the bad news is in short time will be the University vacations and it will be too long the time my documentation be ready, but the good news is I don’t need it to go to NZ in the beginning, I can go to study English while my husband is finishing this work… and now, I’m sure all my documentation will be ready some day, because although is too slow all documentation is findable!

I’m happy today! In the other hand, the baby of my Kiwi friends born today! I’m happy about it too!

Now, I’m gonna read the final chapter of Percy Jackson first book and them doing exercise, great day!

The God time is near to me!

Monday, 4 July 2011

Present way to go to NZ

Around 10 months ago my husband and I decided go to live to NZ. We investigated and they need people with my career, we started a project to go.  The plan have changed a lot of time or not, the plan is same that in the beginning (go to NZ to work and live… special LIVE), have changed the way to reach it.

Now the plan is go to study English in the beginning, to have enough score in the IELTS and request my registration in the Board of Psychologist NZ, looking for a job and request my work visa…

But this country is very unstable, and the University documentation is to slow because people aren’t working or others are protesting, or anything….

On the other hand, we need a lot of money to go study in the beginning, and now don’t have enough. I don’t want wait more time, and we decided the better way is I’ll go first alone to start my English study while he is here looking for documentation and money, and then he will go with me some months late.

Inside me, I’m ready to go out; I only need do some things before: close with my patients, be some weeks with my little brother, finish my psychotherapy formation and go to the second birthday of my nephew… Then it, I’m ready to go in October.

I want to know the smell of the city will be my new home, my Kiwi friend, the streets, people who will be my new elected family… I want to know my new life.

I know, I guess will be more difficult go alone, but will be a chance to start our new life doing each one the necessary things (me learning English to have my registration and work visa, he looking my documentation and enough money). And I think, I am more ready than him to go, and is ok, each one have a personal time and is very important to respect it.

Well, when I have new news, I’ll tell you…