Today in the bank

Today: I was in the Bank with my knee’s  immobilizer waiting for my turn when a little kid start hit my leg (I understand he had curiosity with my immobilizer) then, in the beginning I looked his mom, and she didn’t anything, so the boy continued hitting me (I felt pain because I have a problem in my knee and need a surgery).

The grandma of kid explain his that hit me pain me, then the mom said: don’t say it, because he hit her more if you say that; evidently the kid hit me again! Then I lost the patience and said her: if he hit me again, I’ll hit you (I didn’t yell, but was strong as all people know me know I can be).

She was out of her mind yelling me: hit me! You aren’t more woman than me, and the grandma: he is a boy, you should understand he can do whatever he want! They were mad! I said, she should have control above the kid, the kid is hurting me, and they insisted he is a kid and can do whatever he want and I was abusing them.

Then, arrived the sub gerent of the bank and said them should calm and have a gesture of complicity with her eye toward me (in this moment the mom was up and red, while I was down in the chair) and then I was attended (was my turn) while they were insulting me.

I thought, this kind of mother are forming the future thugs, she taught him, he can do whatever bad thing he want and she will defend him without correct his behavior.  

I thought, if a child of mine hit someone (sick or not) I would death of shame, offer apologize y would not be a second time of it.

Them, I understand again, the reason because this country is so bad, and why I want to go to other side of the world.

When I arrived home, I tell it to my NZ’s friend, and she questions me: how the mom allowed it!! What shame! For this reason you should come here as soon as you can!

In this moment, I remembered the madness is cultural, and each people should find the place of world where his madness is normal behavior, I am out place here! By me is not possible understand a mom permitting her son hit someone sick and late be angry when the people claim her.

I am thinking, I should not said her I’ll hit her (because I cannot do it between another reason), but, how do you act when someone is attack you??? They are attack me (actively the boy and passively the mom) more than three times and I should be lovely and friendlily with her??? I should say: excuse me, could you avoid your kid hurt me?. That is not evident? Should she not know it? Is not evident that the work of her is teaching her son respect the people and be considered in some situation?

For this kind of things, I am definitely in the wrong 
place of the world.

About my knee

Five and half years ago, I had an accident in the subway. All my body fell above my knee, I felt a lot of pain, but my family didn’t pay attention me, 3 day latter I was to the doctor, he take me a RX and said I was ok, my knee was perfect. I felt a lot of pain and used brace on my knee for some months. I tried keep normal live during this time, but I needed change some things, for example my way of sit, or up stairs, etc.

A month ago the pains have been stronger and I can hardly walk. I was a doctor; he is my granddad’s cousin, and he saw me the first time and said I have a biggest wear on my kneecap and maybe a problem with my menisci and request me a MIR. I take my MIR as soon as was possible (a week later, but this country is very complicate), 4 days late I had my report, and my report said: my knee is perfect! I didn’t understand, the report is bad or I’m mad. I took it to my doctor, and he said is possible the report is bad, but anyway he tried know if my problem was another and injected me a very painful medicine. My knee was really swollen and next this injected was wrong!

(my knee)

Doctor said me, call me in two days, I want to study your MIR with my friend and we’ll take a decision with you.  I called him, and his friend didn’t go to work, I needed wait a week! I felt terrible and decided don’t go out my bed because me knee do terrible sounds and I felt pain a lot.

Today a week late, doctor said me: the report is bad and I have exactly that he said me the first time… I need a surgery…

I have been waiting 3 weeks for to know exactly the first DX.

That is my country! An emergency could wait infinite time by a mistake. Is not important a person is suffering because maybe someday could be better.

I have time knowing I need a new knee, but I wanted wait to live in NZ before do a surgery; but was impossible, and I’m living the normal things in this country but with a lot of pain.

Today, I’m quieter because I have a DX, but in this country have a DX is a biggest achievement. I’m tired simple things are an achievement.

Explanation

I’m in my close process with my life in Venezuela, and is good, beautiful, sad, but not terrible, more like nostalgic and lovely process. But during this time, some things open in my heart past space and I need think and write about them. For this reason I’m writing this kind of post, because they are part of my NZ’s route too.

Another farawell, but not ready yet (in process)

I’m sad, I would like cry, but I can’t. I don’t understand the reason because you didn’t love me, why you was not able to accompany me and understand me; I don’t know the reason because you was not the people you said me. I have been several years waiting for you. But, you never come back.

I gave you my trust, my love, my thought, feel, self, unawake, my way to see the life, but you left me, and never called me or write me. You simply left me.

I have tried understanding you; I have fund excuse for you. Nevertheless, I don’t understand, you lied me, and I trust you.

My heart has been more than 4 years waiting by your letter or your call. Today, I understand, one part of my heart can’t fix because don’t want to left the expectation about you; don’t want to farewell of you and accept you won’t be never who I would like, you never won’t write me like you said me, you never won’t have the importance of things I gave you in my past.

I have continued my road, and learn new things about the world and myself. I’m happy with it, I have better things now, I am better person too. But you was part of my life, and I love you, I miss you. Today, I should say goodbye you and never an ever waiting by you.

Is not easy, I don’t like it. But is the way to fix this part of my heart that I have permitted keeps broken waiting by you. This part of my heart will be angry and disappointment, and won’t understand why I have permitted him wait a lot of time and now he won’t have anything different to disappointment.

Maybe in the past, I was not ready to be disappointment by you. Now I can accept it, and see you are good but not who I needed in that time.

Goodbye

Farawell

In 19 days I’ll have 4 years without see you, smell you, hug you… I remember this day, our conversation, your face, our space, this place between our when we was vibrating together. You hug me strong, with love, and we farewell… I didn’t know that was the last time, maybe you didn’t know neither.

The time is running and your memory is disappearing with its. I remember you, and when I remember you, I love you as in the past. But the next moment, the life continues and your memory is not present, maybe because you left the life before of time.

Today, I’m not the same person near to you, but you are not a person, none the past person and non person. You left the life and left all your things, thing have been finding a new roads and owners.

You left the life in a bad moment and didn’t know the next moment and you lost the better moment.

I love you, and sometimes I miss you. But your unlived is always a memory about is terrible stop the life in bad moment, because will loss the better moment.

We was vibrate together, but we won’t be together again in a place different than my heart.

Today, I can say you goodbye.

I need a friend in UK

In short time, I’m going to live in Auckland, and my life will be different, I hope I’ll have better lifestyle. We are doing some things to go in short time; but I have a problem. 

I have a wonderful doggy. She is beautiful, smart, obedient, and sweet. Anyway, in NZ don’t accept pets directly from Venezuela, they recommended me send my dog 6 months to other country and after send my dog to NZ as she was from this country. When she finally will arrive to NZ, she will be a months in alone place before meet with our.  But, if she is 6 months in UK, she could be the first months in home with us.

I think, it is a very difficult situation because, she is our baby, she is very good doggy and we love a lot; she is used to feel beloved and care; I think, she will be sad in the beginning when she will be with new people for 6 months, she could feel, we doesn’t love her and we gift to other people; but still, if she need stay a months alone, she could feel the other people doesn’t love her and she is a very bad dog.

I think would be better when she will arrive to NZ stay with us. For this reason, I need a friend in UK, a person who love dogs, want help us and be very involved with this situation.

You are reading me, I think because you feel empathy with my situation, if you could help me, I’ll be happy and our change will be easier.

If you could help me, you can write me to 

tahirirojas@gmail.com

If you want to know my dog, you could be her facebook friends, find her as Arwen Margarita and know her.http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000434463777

Some words for you

When I saw you the first time, I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach, but I wished you was exactly who you are.

You taught me about the love and feel someone is paying attention me each moment. With you, I have learned to live in different ways and see the life with new colors.

Our life together has had a lot of different colors and situation, and the inevitable thing have been grown.

In short time our live will start an important change; we will be able to do something we think we want. In this moment you and I will be a new concept, because our actual live will be only a memory, and the way we see the world will be new.

In short time, you will see me and find a person loving you, but changing. I’ll see you and will meet a wonderful man that you are, but in another life moment.

We will be able to live together the moment what always we were dream. Build a life like we want and have the space we have needed.

I love you. I love you as is possible by me. I have trust in you and for this reason I have had patience with you. Sometimes I think, we will never be like we want. But today, I can see the future near to me, I feel I can touch the future with my hand.

In short time, we will meet with the better thing we have been and we will be. 

Only somewords.

Everyday I’m living normal things while I’m dreaming with the changer on my life. I dream with walk on street, play tennis, have new friends, new job, new house, new mood….

Sometimes, I think in short time, the everyday things will be only a memory, and my actually dream will be my new everyday things. I’ll discovery new things every day and will transformer myself with its.

Now, my knee is broken and I need a surgery, but, when it will be ready, I’ll find the way to go as English student in the beginning and late request my work visa.

I’ll miss some people, but I’m ready to say good bye them by have a good lifestyle.

Now, the street is really noise, people is upset all the time, they battle me and my life, the country battle me every moment.

I’m tired about it. And I know, it will be a new way and have difficult moments. But I’ m ready for it.

These beautiful landscapes are now only a violent place. I want to see new landscapes, new people, and new life! I want to discover new culture, new language, new smell and new lifestyle.

I want to have a normal family, with normal life!

I would like my bro can go to the street without fear, and can have a choice with freedom.