Saying good bye to my wings.

I have flown high and quick during all my life. I have been years learning to fly well, and with short and weak wings I learned to fly better than many people. Know fly have been the most important ability to build my life, development my internal abilities and discovery my real dream, my real internal and personal way.

My wings have been my more important tool to build myself! I am grateful with the life (god, big energy, etc) for it. Is impossible for me forget the biggest importance that have had in my life, and do not say thank God for it.

Anyway, I’m changing, and I’m transforming in a Kiwi; in short time I won’t have predator again and I won’t need to fly, and I will say good bye to my wings.

I love my wings, but I don’t want it in my life anymore!

I don’t know if I could fly again, but in the deepest place in my heart I don’t want to need fly again anymore!

When I won’t need to fly, I could development a plane if I want to fly. 

When I won’t need to fly, I could development whatever I want.

When I won’t need to fly, I could live (not survive), and living is possible to do whatever I want.

I love my wings, but I don’t want to need it anymore, and I’m ready to say good bye.

I want to be a Kiwi

I want to be a Kiwi!

The kiwi is a small and smart bird that lost their wings because didn’t have any predator and never needed to fly.

Some people could  think, is very sad being a bird and cannot fly… But I’m not agree, because if you don’t have predator you can do anything that you want and never have fear, you can walk, think, development yourself that you want without fear!

For example this kiwi, he want to fly, and he was able to development a new environment to do it. If this kiwi was scared for a predator, could do development this environment? Only with relax, without fear the people can think important things for their life, in other situation, the people are surviving.

I have big wings and every day I need fly high and quick because my life is every moment in risk. I cannot think as I would like, because I need fly every moment… I cannot walk, I cannot live… I need spend my time flying as quick as I can… every moment.

I want to lose my winds and walk without fear. I want to lose my winds and feel save in my environment and the people near to me

The natural process of life is birth, development, reproduce and die. Well, I born, development, changer and want continue change, I hope reproduce but not a frightened bird, I want to reproduce a kiwi, continue my development and die.

Now, I’m in the wrong place, I’m preparing myself to go to the Kiwi place, and become a Kiwi people. I want to change my winds for a life without fear.

In short time, I’ll be a kiwi and I cannot fly anymore with ours winds, but still, I’ll be able development a new way to fly if I want to do it again.

Thinking and writing...

Some years ago, when I didn’t know my husband yet, I wanted live in France; I don´t like Venezuela, I don´t like the permanent disaster, hit number of crime, drunk people drinking in the street, this stupid thought: if you have bad behavior but none caught you, you are the better people in the world. I don´t like this general situation. When I finally decided go out, I met my husband… He didn´t want go to live to other country, he decided to live in this place all his life. I had to take a difficult decision, and choose between have a good lifestyle or live with the men that love me…. 

But still, I’m a woman, and the decision was live with my husband, and I swear, I never tried to convince him go out. I was trying to convince me that the better for me was live here (very difficult work)

However, 7 months ago my husband said me, he want go out and live in a better place!!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! I was really happy about it! We decided go to NZ for some reasons, and I feel in the most deep space in my heart, it is the better decision for me!

Every day, I’m happy because is a day more near to NZ, is a day more near the life that I deserve!

                                          

I speak with my kiwi friend, and feel, that is my site, my heart beat more quick and my soul is really happy.

During this time, I have been learning English and elaborating my internal migration process, doing documentation, and farewell in general.

Every day, I feel this country is throwing me, and this country don’t want me here! Sometimes, I think, this country know, this is not my real country. 

People question me if I won’t miss my country, and now I cannot know the answer, but, I think, the real country of a person is the place where is his heart, where person feel happy and his soul is in home…  Tonight I don’t feel that it is my country, is only the country where I born, but I want to emphasize: I didn’t chosse the place to born, and is possible this was the place when I should born, but is not the place where I should be. Now I’m not the same people that 28 years ago and I don’t deserve the same kind of things…

Try to visit to my little brother and cannot go with my car because I feel fear; be victim a attack of the bus with stone to try to steal; cannot go to street and be relax, etc… That is not the life that I deserve, I am really happy about this decision.

Today, I have improved my English, and I can write it, read the NZ’s newspaper every day, understand the TV, etc…. It is my process to NZ’s route, and my personal development process… that is to say, during this time, I’m learning English and while I’m improving this skill, I’m preparing myself to have the life I deserve.

Reflecting

Reflecting

I’m thinking go to NZ to help the people on the earthquake on Christchuch; I think it could be great for all; on a hand I could help them, and lend my support in the psychologist problems with this disaster; this people will need a lot of help, support, containment and accompanying for resume their life and start a new life. On the other hand, I could start my Kiwi life offering something important for them, understand their culture and way of think, learn about them, and could be a chase to they know about myself and my work, and in the future I could have good work and better Lifestyle.

I think, this could be great for all; I hope the people in NZ are thinking like me and call me soon.

However, I’m a little scared because, if they call me, I’ll go to new country, to a destroyed city, when speak other language, and I’ll be alone, without my husband, doggy, friends or family.

That sound difficult, but I think I can do it!

Now, I’m waiting for official NZ contact.

I’ll tell you about it soon.

My letter for several organizations in NZ to offer my support

Hello.

First, I could say you, I really sorry the consequences of this earthquake and I would like help you with this!

My Name is Tahirí Rojas, I am from Venezuela and I am clinical psychologist here.

I was planed go to NZ to live in short time, first to study English to refine the  language before request my register in the Board of Psychologist NZ (I have revised the requirement and I have everything that they ask for it). I had though go to Auckland on August (not before because I’m collecting my documentation) and study English for 6 month and late request the work visa and find work.

But now, the situation is really different!!! I’m very worry and sad about terrible emergency on Christchuch; and I’m asking me: who will offer psychologist support these people if they don’t have enough psychologists? I’m thinking about all of help that people will need with this terrible trouble. Well, my desire is not live or work in Christchuch, but with this disaster, I’m capable to go to this city for the necessary time of this place need me and later continue with my plan.

I feel able to help people during the crisis and accompany them enough time to be better and resume their life.  If you need my help I could be to NZ as soon as I have a temporal visa (my family could help me looking for the documentation not ready and send me in the future for continue with my plan when this situation be better). I think I only will need help with the language on the beginning, but I’m sure I have enough level of English for help the people on crisis and during this time I could improve in the language and then help the people for the most sensible troubles that they have.

Sorry! I almost forgot make a little introduction about me, and I think it could be important if you consider my offer: I am 28 years old, I am married, and studied 5 years for me License who Psychologist (with thesis) and 2 years for my degree like clinical psychologist (with thesis) I have 6 experiences years, I have been university professor, I have worked in my private consult during more than 5 years and with others institution the same time. My level English is intermediate but I need a lot of help with my listening on specific kiwi accent. I am dynamic and engaged people with everything in my life.

Best Regards.

Tahirí

A beautiful and sad closing process

Today I feel like very good psychotherapeutic. More than 15 years ago, when I was pre-teenagers still, I was frequently dreaming with be psychologist someday! I waited 7 years for start the university and 3 and half years late I had my first patient; 1 and half year late I opened my private consult, with emotion, fear, expectations, dreams and without money or family support.  Today, 5 and half years late I’m closing with it, I can’t receive new patient and with the olds I’m working the close process.

I’m thinking about my patients  and their process, and I can see this had been, with important developments and elaboration process.

Some minutes ago, I attended the most difficult patient that I have had, and now, with more than 3 works year is a really different person! She have better lifestyle, but the most important is, She have could build an internal world and understand for control her internal conflict and debilities. In additional, she is able to have good relationship with others and think on their emotions or situations and have a good behavior with them.

On the other hand, sometimes I can see myself doing terrible mistakes, and still I have acting out with some patients or bad behaviors with them. I’m not forgetting it; but still, that is not all, also I can see how I have learned and development like psychotherapeutic and person with my patients. I have studied, found help, had mistake a lot, loss some patients, hurt some of them; but the next day (or the next moment sometimes) I have woke up again and continue trying.

In this days, I have patients since 1 to 5 work years,; and is easy to myself and they see how their life are different, and they are really different people! For me is easy see how I have grown with them and on my heart I say thank them every day for ever.

I love my career, and is not easy say good bye to my patients, but now, I’m sure we have did good work and I have helped them as was possible as myself. While, they have receive my effort and work in their life.

I have taken the best decision with my career, my work and my way of do it. Now, I have taken another big decision as difficult as the past, but with this experience I feel support on my decision power and is easy predict very good future.

Thank God by give me strength.

Thank myself by use it.

Thank life by give me opportunities.

Thank God for the IELTS

The IELTS have been the experience in my life that has awaked more anxiety on me! Sometimes I think I’ll never have enough score in it, others moments, I feel I could have 7.5 on May, other, I feel I only will have 7.5 living in NZ. Frequently I’m studying for the IELTS and feel like the most stupid people around the world, another I feel very smart and able to learn very quick.

When the people are teenager, is really common feel this mix emotions and change on them, but now I’m 28, professional person and frequently, I’m a very stable….

Never and ever I was felt so many emotions toward a test, when I wanted start the university I was very nervous too, but I was sure, if I studied enough, I succeeded to enter. In that time, I studied a lot and I was in the university! I was the number 18 of 7000. Great achievement! 

But the IELTS is very difficult test, and I don’t have a lot of time to prepare for it. For this reason, I have felt bad about it.

Nevertheless, I have improving a lot; now I can write it, read a lot of things and understand them, I can understand the people on TV more than in the past, and sometimes I can speak good (not perfect, but good).

But I cannot forget, I’m psychologist, and is natural for my do some questions, and now I should questions to myself: why am I so many worry about this test? Why? If I know in sometime I can have enough score?????

Very important question! The simple answer: well, is too difficult, if I don’t have enough score I never will start my register in the Board of Psychologist on NZ, and can never go to life to NZ for better lifestyle… 

Well, all answers are good, and very difficult to refute! Is easy to think that is all!

Nevertheless, I’m psychologist still…. Now I need be sincere with myself and have better answers!

Have enough score in the IELTS is  the way to achieve my goal and dream, and live relax, quite, and go to walk at night for the beach, and work for have good lifestyle, and feel better! But still, is too the way to say good bye to the only life I’ve met and knew; is the way to say good bye to my patients, they are the reason of my professional election, and the IELTS is the way to say good bye them; is the way to say good bye for this crazy life when I can do that I want, but I know all of things. Is the way not see anymore some special people on my life,  or have a lot of time before can see some of them. Is the way, to change my life how I want and say good bye that I have!

For this reason, is great have the IELTS! Now I can feel worry only about the IELTS and not about anything!

Thank God for the IELTS on my life!