Saturday, 12 March 2011
Thinking and writing...
Some years ago, when I didn’t know my husband yet, I wanted live in France; I don´t like Venezuela, I don´t like the permanent disaster, hit number of crime, drunk people drinking in the street, this stupid thought: if you have bad behavior but none caught you, you are the better people in the world. I don´t like this general situation. When I finally decided go out, I met my husband… He didn´t want go to live to other country, he decided to live in this place all his life. I had to take a difficult decision, and choose between have a good lifestyle or live with the men that love me….
But still, I’m a woman, and the decision was live with my husband, and I swear, I never tried to convince him go out. I was trying to convince me that the better for me was live here (very difficult work)
However, 7 months ago my husband said me, he want go out and live in a better place!!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! I was really happy about it! We decided go to NZ for some reasons, and I feel in the most deep space in my heart, it is the better decision for me!
I speak with my kiwi friend, and feel, that is my site, my heart beat more quick and my soul is really happy.
During this time, I have been learning English and elaborating my internal migration process, doing documentation, and farewell in general.
Every day, I feel this country is throwing me, and this country don’t want me here! Sometimes, I think, this country know, this is not my real country.
People question me if I won’t miss my country, and now I cannot know the answer, but, I think, the real country of a person is the place where is his heart, where person feel happy and his soul is in home… Tonight I don’t feel that it is my country, is only the country where I born, but I want to emphasize: I didn’t chosse the place to born, and is possible this was the place when I should born, but is not the place where I should be. Now I’m not the same people that 28 years ago and I don’t deserve the same kind of things…
Try to visit to my little brother and cannot go with my car because I feel fear; be victim a attack of the bus with stone to try to steal; cannot go to street and be relax, etc… That is not the life that I deserve, I am really happy about this decision.
Today, I have improved my English, and I can write it, read the NZ’s newspaper every day, understand the TV, etc…. It is my process to NZ’s route, and my personal development process… that is to say, during this time, I’m learning English and while I’m improving this skill, I’m preparing myself to have the life I deserve.