Is so difficult think right when I am not good mental and emotionally! Some days ago I was very bad, upset, sad, disappointed, worried, and confused = mixed feels…
In this time, the crazy's feelings could have the control of my life, and I could not be sure about my own feelings, thoughts or anything… This was terrible time, time of destruction for reconstruction, like the “Mantra”: Oh na ma chiva yaava, chiva oh na ma…. I think this is like: Oh the destruction God, Destruction God I want to receive you…
The destruction God in my internal and private life arrived and finished with everything here! I felt a terrible pain and this sensation that the life is having a painful end…
Today, I am better; I can remember the Chaos Theory: the perfect balance is losing step by step and frequently we don’t note the little changers, and suddenly a day wake up and the balance is not more than a distant memory and we cannot come back to this. Then, the natural sensation is: all is bad, anything is in their right place, and the world is confused and without logical. It forces a big changer! And step by step is possible find a new perfect balance…
Some days ago, I was in terrible personal chaos, and all was bad! I destroyed everything: the bad and good things, the love and hate, the smile and cry, the pain and health, the sadness and happiness… for example…
Now, I feel is possible find a perfect balance in my life!
I have a new possible plan for my life! The particular plan is simple, go to NZ to study in the beginning and after that request my registration and work visa. But still, it is really more complex that is! With this plan, I could feel relaxed, loved and protected again, I could sleep comfortable in my husband arms and love him everything, while we could repair the hurt of this chaos and together still building ours new life!
Today is the first time I understand these Mantra, now I understand the reason because I have remembered it during a lot years!
Thank my destroyer god! Thank you help me finished the bad balance and start a new perfect balance! I know in the future it could be destroyed again, and I´ll be bad again, but in this moment, I´ll say thank you again.
PD I love you my husband, my real love, my life´s partner.
See you soon…
My friend i think it is a very good decision if you need anything let me know!!!
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