Sunday, 24 July 2011

I’m discovering also another kind of emotions inside me.

Today, I sent the first necessary documentation to start my visa process. The agent who is helping me in this process said I’ll be ready to go to NZ in October, I hope it will be in this way! I don’t have the money yet, but I think I’ll have it in 3 weeks, if I have it in 3 weeks all things will be in the necessary way to arrive in time I want.

I’m so happy! I feel myself ready to go out! But now, when I see near to me my migration process I have discovered new feelings inside me; I’m happy, hopeful, excited, ready, but in the other hand today I have discovered inside me another kind of feelings, like fear and sadness: I feel fear because although I know I’ll learn English very well, sometimes I feel fear by cannot learn it; or maybe to have problems to find new friends, or whatever… I feel sadness because I’ll miss some important people in my life, or maybe someone I’ll never meet again… that is sad..

I’m not talking about I want to live here or I’m not sure to go to NZ, I’m only talking about I’m know that all won’t be happy, and although I’ll be very well, I’ll miss my loved persons.
I want to know how smell the city I select to be my new home, all day I ask it to myself, with love and hopeful, I want to meet my kiwis friends, know new people, be faced to the language and learn it…. I’m happy about all things to my new life, but know, I’m starting to be (also) sad by important people I’ll let here.

I’m feeling fear about I’ll be in a new country without my husband, starting a new life missing him, he will be with me few months later, but other maybe I won’t to see again…

I feel fear about how will feel my beloved little brother when I’ll be so far, or if he could feel, I let him or maybe he could think I don’t love him. I know, he know I love him, and I’ll do necessary things to carry him with me…. But sometimes I feel fear about it.

I feel fear and sadness because I’ll be at least 7 months without to be with my doggy! I sleep with her every day, and I love her a lot…. Will be hard not be near to her…

Well, each day I’m nearer to my new life and I’m happy! But now I’m discovering also another kind of emotions; they are not in war, they are living together inside me.

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