Friday, 13 January 2012
Please not ask
Maybe if I could find the words to say what I am feeling, I will feel something different.
I am facing the biggest ghost of my heart... I thought it had gone long ago, but not, it is here; I could just keep it in save place for myself, and meanwhile I had time to become myself stronger. The question is: am I stronger now?
It could be easy to say a definitely YES, I AM! But really isn't easy, at less it isn't easy to me.
Centrally I am not dying or feeling that something inside me is broken; so since that side it doesn't look so bad. In the same way, my mind and heart have a plan to continue: first day it is necessary to cry, second day to start some important things, fourth and fifth have recreation activities, on Monday visiting a friend looking for support and distraction, seventh day to continue my normal life until Thursday when will be necessary to go to walk to the park and continue. After that week it is just necessary continue studying and remembering that nothing is more important than to have enough score in the IELTS; everything else in the life will be finding their place step by step.
On the other hand (my favorite English phrase) I am absolutely terrified! I feel as my heart was brooking at infinite parts, still when it isn't happen, then I am just feeling fear of all that moments when my heart has been broken in infinite parts.... I feel as I cannot walk, bread, think, study or live. Nevertheless I know it isn't true, it is just a sensation. The ghost is trying to scared me, it has could do that a lot of time and distorted all inside me in innumerable occasions; but now writing here I am discovering that it cannot do that now.
Yeah! I am stronger, and the biggest conclusion is: it was because the ghost that I had got a lot of troubles to write, because it knew that as soon as I could write something I will feel different and it won't anymore take the control of me.
Thanks and goodbye